Saturday, June 17, 2006
good vibrations
last night, the Darryl family went to see Berts Family Feud live. As the father, Gary Darryl, I feel the responsibility to blog about such an experience.Soccer Mum Lucy, myself and Evil Twin#1 Amy were waiting in the queue to get into channel 9 when Evil Twin#2 Polly arrived in her poo coloured merc. Soccer Mum and Evil Twin#2 went back to the car because Evil Twin#2 is a douche.
Upon entering, Evil Twin#1 made the remark that they will make all the pretty people sit in the front rows. This was indeed true, to an extent. the Darryl family were asked to sit in the 2nd front row. perhaps if we left Evil Twin#2 at home, we would have had prime positions.
After sitting around for a while, listening to a lot of douchebags talk about shit all, and hearing how they made out with Kylie Minogue, bert finally came out.
Now, if i knew i had to shade my childrens eyes from the hideous sight, and cover their ears from the sick jokes, i would have... but i like to think of myself as a cool father, so i neglected to do so.
Bert Newton is creepy. just plain creepy. if i had seen him up close, i might have screamed.
the show was taped, it was fairly repetative and for a half hour show, it went incredibly slow.
i think the Darryl family will be on air on the... ummm... the day of red nose day, and the day before red nose day.
that is all i have to say.
after hard core sex with bert, we then went to pauls 19th (with a detour to lucy and laurens houses) which was pretty cool. then i left pretty early because i'd run out of drinks and i'd been up since 6am that day.
when i got home, i fell asleep with my contacts in. at 6am i woke up with tears running down my face. actually, my whole face and pillow was wet with tears. i struggled to open my eyes to look at the time, and then realised that i was a douche and fell asleep with them in. so i clambered around, and found my way to the bathroom where, through squinted eyes i could see that my entire eyeball had been glazed over with this yellow/brown/white gunk. i have no idea what i was thinking at the time, but i thought mouthwash would get rid of the gunk. after searching, i found that we dont own mouthwash. im not sure what made me think we did have mouthwash, as we've never owned it before. perhaps i was still slighty intoxicated from the night before.
never the less, i had a brilliant idea, i remembered that on the back of dettol, they say that it can be used as mouthwash. so, i grab the dettol, soak a cotton wool ball and raised it to my eye. i could feel what was going to happen next before it hit my eye.
now, im sure you all know the excruciating pain of what it feels like to put dettol antibacterial wash on a scrape on your knee. now imagine this on your eyeball.
me = douche.
here are some pictures of the evil twins.
Evil Twin#1 Amy
Evil Twins
Evil Twin#2 Polly