|| YOUNG & FOOLISH ||

Thursday, September 15, 2005

yes, four posts in one day... salona, you don't have to say it. i already know i'm a loser.

On the back of one of this months libra pads one of the little facts is

Odd Spot #65
You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.

So I was like, that is very true. I generally spend more time around Cows than I do sharks, generally because I don't swim in the ocean... often. But I do like farms and the country.
I have never been attacked by a shark. yet I have been attacked by a cow.

It was August 2004 and I was in the Otway Ranges with Kerrie, Angus, Steve, Fat Jo, Ben and that woman... Ms... White! thats the one. Ms White.
Anyway, So we had just arrived after a day of making a raft and transporting all our gear up a river. not down, it was up. Here is Steve and I transporting the raft up the river. Well... steve isn't doing any transporting, hes just sitting there.

here is a slight bit of chaos when there were a few logs blocking our way.

Anyway, that really doesn't have much to do with my cow story. However, please note the very sexual position by Trent (blue wetty, yellow PFD, ugly hat) and Fat Jo (behind him, orange hat) - that is what is known as kayak sex. Also note how Ben is taking photos of it. Oh, and I also have a feeling that Fat Jo and Trent are related somehow.
So that arvo, we got into camp which was a cow paddock. I was not too partial to the idea of sleeping in a cow paddock. but that is where we set up camp. So little me didn't really have a say.
Anyway, we unpacked our gear, put the tents up and whatnot. Then I think we went on a walk or something. When we came back there were cows in our camping ground. There was cow slobber all over the tents, and fresh cow patties all around the place.
This is the best picture I have of a tent and cows. but it isn't much proof that there were cows standing on top of our tents.

So naturally, I eventually had to find a tree and relieve myself. So I went into the little runt paddock... hang on. ill draw a picture. Sorry it's in green highlighter.

So we were camping roughly in the middle, and there was a little runt paddock with a small creek (on the left of the map) in the middle, and then there was also a mountain type thing covered in forest. Sorry, I'm poo at explaining.
So I went to find a tree in the forest, but I didn't want to go too far in because it was scary, and Fat Jo was doing a crap in there. So I went in a little inny bit and dropped my dacks, when I realised I too had to do a number 2. But it was too late, it had already started its descent, so I couldn't go dig a hole. So I'm sitting there, doing my business. When around the corner comes this Cow (beautiful Jersey Cow actually). and naturally I'm like; "AHHH!" but it wasn't loud enough for the camp to hear, or Fat Jo obviously. So I'm looking around for some form of defense against this cow. It is getting closer and closer to little me who has a bog half hanging. I'm trying to talk to it whilst preying that it can understand english. But I don't think it did. So now its about a meter away from me, just staring at me. I had to finish off my business quickly, cover my... ahh... yeah. and try to escape this pervert cow. But the fat beast is blockin my entire little inny bit. so what do I do? I talk to it some more, telling it too move. After about a minute of that, I prod it. That seemed to be successful. But human contact seemed to be too much for it.

So I was walking back along the track to the gate to get back to the others, and it's just following. So I quicken my pace, and get into a little jog. So what does it do? The cow starts trotting to keep up with me. Then I break into a run, and it starts gallopping. So I'm like... well, it's faster than me, and I have like 200 meters to go, why don't I trick it! So what do I do? I stop. just mid run, I stop, when I have a gallopping cow after me. But no, the cow was too smart, it too stopped, mid gallop. It is quite amazing how quickly cows can stop mid gallop.
So I came to the conclusion that the cow didn't want to hurt me. So I walk up to it, and hold my hand out, and it... Without sounding super corny, i dunno... nudged it or whatever. Then I give it a big pat, and I walk back to the gate with it. And yes, I was still talking in english to the cow.
So I go off to find Kerrie to show her my new friend. Then Kerrie comes over and the cow walks away.

The rest is kinda boring. But I named her "Dairy Belle" and here is a picture of me and her. How hot are my socks!

That is the story of how I got attacked by a cow, and not a shark.

- Em xoxo